Today was a rather…sad day…

I did something that I can not take back. I broke things off with my girlfriend and although I was the one who wanted to end things, I feel sad. As I fold my laundry and pack my things to prepare for my weekend trip to my parents, I look around my room and feel a sense of nostalgia and a mix of emotions.

I look at the valentines day bag she got me, my very first valentines day present from someone that was more than a friend. I am reminded of the past when we made plans for Valentines day, but got into a week long argument over the approach of issues and ignoring problems before that and had to cancel the plans. Neither of us wanted to just pretend that everything was ok just to spend a Valentines day together, so we agreed that if we could not resolve our issues before the date, then we would not attend the event.

I look at the Christmas stocking that she hand knitted me, and the blanket that she made for me. I remember our first Christmas together, and how happy we were then. But I can also remember that before the Christmas holiday, we were also in an argument over poor planning and bad communication. Luckily we were able to patch things up before Christmas. And then I remember the New Years, just about a week after Christmas, and I can remember how we spent the day sitting at a fountain discussing about our problems with friends and ideals.

And finally I look at the collection of card games that I own, and I remember the fun times we had playing with each other and how much I enjoyed teaching her my games and sharing my personal hobbies with her. And I am reminded of how much she used to say “no” to me the first few times I asked her to just spend time with me and my interests.

I remember the good times that we had together. And they were great times. But I remember all the bad times we had together as well. I don’t want to call myself a pessimist and that I am only thinking about the bad times. But from the lack of growing as a couple, of building stronger communication and understanding of each other, I saw that our relationship could not progress any further. And also…i was not happy. And I saw that although there were times where she was happy with me, there were also a lot of times where she wasn’t.

I felt the best thing to do was to end things, and yet I am now reminded of the good times we spent together. Of all the nights we stayed up talking, how when I was dealing with family issues, or just wanted someone to talk to, when something exciting happened she was the first person I wanted to tell, how when I felt lonely, she was there to keep me company. I think that deep down, despite all the bad times…I know that I am really going to miss her…
But I know this is the right thing to do. I know it in my heart that right now, the way we both are now, things would not work out.

Sometimes doing the right thing isn’t always the easiest thing. But we do them because it’s right. At least…I hope it was the right decision to make…

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