*Alert*
The following:

1) Contains spoilers. If you have not caught up with Season 5 of Game of Thrones, or read up to A Dance of Dragons in the books, the following will contain some spoilers.

2) This is meant to be a parody and comedy analysis of the series. I am mainly speaking sarcastically and of course jokingly, so please don’t get offended or offer counter arguments on how my analysis is wrong. There are so many youtube videos/blogs about Game of Throne theories out there and I just wanted to do something a little different. If you at least cracked a smile reading this, then my job was a success!

Anyway on to the post! Cue entry!

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Dun dun, dun dun dun dun, dun dun dun dun, dun dun dun dun, dun dun
DUUUN, DUNNN, DUN DUN DUUUN, DUNNN, DUN DUN DUN
Dun dun, dun dun dun dun, dun dun dun dun, dun dun dun dun, dun dun

Ok so you’ve most likely already finished watching season 5 of Game of Thrones that had audiences in such agony that TV/Laptops everywhere were being tossed to the walls from the agonies of everyone’s favorite character on his death bed.

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Ahahahaha….. tragic…

Anywho, book readers have had 4 years knowing this was going to happen and must have been watching with tears of joy as us series watchers/non-book readers watched in utter shock as Jon was stabbed by his own men, saying to ourselves “he’s not dead…he can’t be dead…MARTIN YOU SON OF A… *insert profanity of choice* .. ”

The internet banded together, series watchers and book readers all around, analyzing the situation, rewatching the finale, and searching for clues as to how Jon could survive his fate. Theories go from Melissandre resurrecting Jon, Jon warging into Ghost, even analysis onto his pupils during his death and trying to figure it out if his eyes dilated or turned a different color (possibly signifying some hidden power or something unique about his bloodline).
I think by now everyone’s heard of the theory about Jon’s real parents *cough Stark and Targarean cough* and some would feel he can’t possibly be dead as he has a larger role to play in the wars to come with the White Walkers. Also George RR Martin has yet to confirm the characters death. And lets not forget Sam telling Gilly before leaving to train as a Maester: “Don’t worry. He always comes back.” So there is a good chance that Jon might not be dead.

Or… maybe that’s just what Martin wants you to believe as his evil master plan unfolds!

Me personally, I was saddened and a little upset to see Jon killed. He had such a rough life so far, Mother not liking him, father and uncle both telling him they’d talk about his mother only to die/disappear, people who gave a damn about him dying (Rob, Lord Commander Mormont), having the chance to avenge his family with Stannis, and falling in love but loosing her to… OLLY!!!!! That evil child killed both Ygritte and Jon! And of course his brothers turning on him for showing compassion to wildlings.
The character was dealt such a bad hand in life but he kept on fighting and not letting anything stand in his way. He was the Stark that constantly chose his duty over love, and I believed there was a lot of potential for his character; consistently being offered the choices to take the easy way out but always choosing the hard path. So it was quite painful to see him die off and seeing how his story line ends so abruptly without any resolve/conclusion for the character.

Even though I was saddened, I guess I’m so used to Game of Thrones now that I sort of brushed it off after a while. I mean there’s been so many characters you can’t help but love only to get killed off by the end of the season. Yes it stinks, but honestly, that’s the type of world Martin as created. That’s just the reality and whether we like it or not, his world is not a fairy tale and that’s what makes his series so unique and likable.

There’s also a theory going around as to why the books are called A Song of Fire and Ice
Here’s a hint:

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With the series focusing a lot of Daenerys and Jon’s storylines, one can’t help but to feel that the Fire and Ice part of the title is about Danny and Jon respectively. And hey, it makes perfect sense plus the theories of Jon’s parents ties the two characters together.

But what if we’ve been looking at the whole picture wrong?

It’s true that Martin has yet to confirm or deny Jon’s death and there’s a lot of evidence that he might survive, plus the series title about Ice and Fire does make sense that Danny and Jon are set to play a larger role in the story, but lets consider this fact.

There have been other characters who’s death made audiences around the world think “he’s not dead… he can’t be dead. There’s no way!” Case in point: Ned Stark, Rob Stark, Catelyn Stark, Oberyn Martell, and I’m sure some of you have thought the same with Princess Shireen.

And lets be honest, it would not come to that much of a surprise if Martin essentially flips everyone a huge middle finger and lets Jon stay dead and ends his story right then and there.

Martin has stated he wants readers to be on the edge of their seats when they read the series and I don’t think it’s beyond him to end the entire series with everyone dying, White Walkers winning, or maybe Daenerys storms in with her dragons and burns everything to the ground, killing everyone! Basically Marin trolls readers for the past 20+ years and kills every main character at the end of the book. And you know what, I think that makes perfect sense.

Maybe the Ice in the title isn’t referring to Jon, but the White Walkers. Maybe they’re meant to invade, take over, and destroy everything, covering the land in total ice, winter, and death. They pretty much seem impossible to defeat and with everyone in Westeros so busy fighting each other and not even paying much attention to the problems North of the Wall, I think it’d make perfect sense for Westeros to fall under everyone’s own greed and pride. I mean everyone who tries to do the right thing ends up dying so maybe it’s all a metaphor for whats to happen. Also it wouldn’t make too much sense for Danny to storm over to Westeros and take over, she doesn’t know anybody there. But she is known in the lands of Essos. Wouldn’t it make more sense for her to claim and rule over all of Essos with the fires of her dragons raging on and burning all of her adversaries in fire and blood? The entire world will be ruled under Ice and Fire, completing the prophecy of of George RR Martin and the final book ends with Tyrion narrating the entire story as a bard to a few of children survivors and finishes with “and that children…is a song of fire and ice” (Yes Tyrion is too awesome of a character to die, so I think he’ll live throughout the entire series) If this is honesty how the series ends, it would be Martin pretty much trolling the entire fanbase, be a huge flip of the bird to everyone, make everyone scream “no this can’t be how it ends, that character can’t die”, and would catch everyone off guard and prove that the series is definitely not a fairy tale. Pretty much what he’s been doing since the series began! So hey, maybe my theory isn’t too far fetched. It doesn’t fall beyond the realms of what Martin has done so far. And maybe A song of fire and ice was not meant to have a happy ending, but to be a divine tragedy.

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“I hoped everyone enjoyed my story…this is for all the death threats and telling me how I should write my own books!”

Maybe he just wants to teach everyone a big lesson, that if we as a species can not look beyond our own greed, pride, and ambitions to see the larger picture, or set aside personal goals and beliefs to transcend prejudiced and hate for one another and band together to face a greater threat to the world, then everyone is doomed to parish. And we’d have no one to blame but ourselves when it’s too late.

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“I bring jobs, unity, peace, ever lasting life, and a descent benefits package…and yet I’m the bad guy of the series?”

Or if that ending’s too upsetting for you, here’s a few alternative endings that I have thought of as well.

  • White Walkers takes control of Danny’s dragons and rides around all of Westeros shooting ice and fire!
  • The Lord of Light that Melissandre worships turns out to be Martin himself appearing in his own series, holding what is essentially a DeathNote (like the anime) with the ability to write the deaths of any character in his notebook and it comes true. He kills every character except for Reek/Theon Greyjoy, because apparently no one remembers what his name is so Martin can’t write his name in his death note. (joke reference to the Game of Thrones RPG by Collegehumor on Youtube. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hftnySHVnF0)
  • It turns out to be Hodor was the reincarnation of Azor Ahai, or the Messiah of Game of Thrones the entire time Hodor does rhyme with Azor. (Personally I want this to be the ending)
  • The series ends with Bran waking up from his coma and there’s a bard signing to him beside his bed.
  • Or what I’m sure is a lot of people’s favorite, the Starks all come back to life, Arya comes back as a kickass assassin, Sansa…. can just sit somewhere I guess with Theon braiding each other’s hairs, Bran wargs into a Man-Bear-Pig, Rickon comes with northerners who are loyal to the Stark family, and they all attack with an army of animals, ancient people, and dire wolves and kills everyone! THE NORTH REMEMBERS!

So that’s my take on Game of Thrones. As I stated in the beginning, yes this was a comedic analysis of the series, so please don’t get too offended. However I would definitely laugh my @ss off if I end up being partially correct,

Bit shout out to one of my best friends, Kevin K Nguyen for brainstorming with me on these crazy ideas. He’s a lawyer, so if you ever need legal advice and are located in the Southern California area, look him up.

I love this series and I hope that despite all the negative events that happen in the story, I hope everyone will keep on supporting Martin at least until he finishes A Dream of Spring. True the show may not capture everything in the books, and I have heard a lot of hate for the series because it’s not enough like the books, but hey, lets take a bit of advice from Martin’s story, stop hating and just appreciate everything for what it is.

Have fun with the show/books everyone. And just remember to …

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…UGHhhhhhhhhhhh……

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